How to stop comparing yourself to another woman?

How to stop comparing yourself?

This is a big question for a lot of ladies.

We may compare ourselves when we are younger and haven’t developed a good self-esteem.

We may compare ourselves to the ex-girlfriends that our partners dated and feel insecure about that connection.

Another comparisonitis case comes up when we are jealous or envious of someone’s life. Something perhaps we consider unattainable for ourselves in personal or professional life.

But the worst one is the woman who came between you when you are married or in a stable long-term relationship.

Say, your partner cheated on you and you’ve since made up but you can’t stop comparing yourself to another lady. You are wondering what was it about her that attracted your partner.

When feelings such as envy, jealousy come up it means you don’t accept a very strong part of yourself. And also it means you are not on your side. You are playing against yourself.

No amount of talking yourself out of it about how she is not perfect and probably snores at night, or any other idea that you try and use to help yourself feel better, will help you get over this feeling.

You look at this lady, and you feel all those nasty emotions.

You are comparing and usually, in your fantasy, she is winning.

This is very unpleasant.

The more you compare the more you feel like you are not good enough.

There are two things to consider.

At that moment of comparison you are rejecting a very strong part of yourself.

Perhaps you haven’t allowed yourself to experience that sort of feeling or that sort of power or characteristic and now this part signals to you because it wants to come alive and to be set free.

It’s probably time to do that.

So the first thing that is important to think about when stuff like this comes up:

What am I not allowing myself to experience in my life?

Who am I not allowing myself to be?

What is it that I don’t allow myself to do?

There are various cool techniques that I share in my course which you can use to work through the feelings and thoughts that come up when you start honestly answering these questions.

In this way, you will start connecting, meeting that side of you that was previously suppressed, barricaded and that had no permission to live.

When you use these questions and allow those parts to revive in yourself, you will feel novelty entering your life and a sense of gratitude to those women instead of jealousy or envy.

Being cheated can become a massive move towards renewing yourself and creating a new reality.

If you are ready to discover the power of your sexuality and the new life that is available to you, sign up for the upcoming course “The Power of Your Sexuality.”

“I felt a lot of guilt and shame around sex”

Female sexuality has been frowned upon until 1950s (well, in the Western society). Female desire was considered a pathology and “hysteria” was the cause for having women committed to psych wards, mistreated and sedated with pills.

Whole Freudian approach of psychoanalysis is based on analyzing suppressed desire which was causing a lot of health issues and mental health issues for men and women back in the day. And it still does.

Sexual energy is so strong, it cannot be suppressed. But once it’s explored with a sense of curiosity and acceptance, it can give you amazing power and energy.

So it’s totally okay that it raises so many questions, and kudos to cool people out there who are open to talk about it.

Empowering video for younger women out there. Ashley is my new favourite blogger/youtuber and I was excited to find this video of her talking about sex. It’s super useful for younger women I think.

Below is a list of points/beliefs/fears I found really interesting or never heard before, and it’s useful for me to know because I could do a better job creating content:

  • masturbation was discussed in sex ed classes but only with boys
  • “i felt a lot of shame about masturbation in high school and felt dirty about it afterwards” (like one of my clients said, “everybody masturbates, but not everybody talks about it.”)
  • stretch out the vagina if you put fingers in there and that would decrease your value (vagina’s ability to stretch are phenomenal actually. it can accomodate penis of any size really. and when you are in a long term relationship with one man, your vagina will actually adapt to your partner’s penis (cool fact, huh?)
  • tumblr was a good way to get into porn, female-friendly porn
  • i never liked how dicks look
  • female orgasms are elusive and mysterious (yeah, it does take work for women to develop orgasms but they are not that elusive. if you want to know more about orgasms and how to have one, you can sign up for my upcoming course where I teach a special technique of self-massage that literally trains your vagina to be more sensitive and more orgasmic).

If you are feeling alone and insecure in your thoughts about yourself, your sexuality and what’s normal and what’s not, it’s an awesome video.

But also, remember that there is no such thing as purely normal when it comes to you and your sexuality. It’s all very individual.

As long as your sex is consensual, you are enjoying it, yourself, your partner, and nobody is hurt in the end, you are normal!

I will write a bit more about deviant sexual behaviour but that’s just so you know how to judge how normal something is or not.

Stop waiting for another to make a first step

In this day and age, we are waiting to be inspired, waiting to be sexed, wooed, swept off the feet.
If you want your life to be a fairy tale, you might have to do the sweeping off the feet yourself.

I read the story the other day of a woman who has planned the whole date from beginning to an end, the romantic night complete with dinner, limousine, movie and a walk in the park. She just wanted to see what it’s like for a guy. What does it take to plan a romantic date like that? And she waited under immense pressure for the guy’s reaction. Well, thank God, he did react. He said that it was the best night of his life, and nobody has ever done anything like that for him and he also cried!

I am currently reading “Overdeliver” by Brian Kurtz. He said that he was always the one reaching out first to his friends. And even though sometimes he sort of wonders if they even care, he still does it and they still have a lot of fun.

You like someone? Take the first step. Be a leader.

It is scary and vulnerable and intensely overwhelming. However, in the end, if we don’t gamble – we don’t get to drink champagne. This is Russian quote. I think it comes from the Royal Army and its officers who used to be gamblers and invented the concept of Russian roulette. But they had fun and they had some interesting stories to tell at the end of the day.

Risk is a noble thing.

An important question you can ask yourself that will immediately give you an insight into why you don’t have what you want

I have learned this amazing and simple method from my mentor.

This is very easy yet extremely powerful.

Please, do it right now.

Think of the problem you have right now.

For instance, you have no money, you don’t have a loving partnership.

Your sex life is like Ferrari…non-existent (jk).

You don’t know how to attract clients even though you work hard.

Now…

Close your eyes. And imagine yourself!

See yourself in your inner screen standing in front of you.

And now ask yourself this IMPORTANT QUESTION.

“DO I WANT TO GIVE MYSELF…(insert required desire)?”

Do I want to give myself awesome sex?

Do I want to give myself an amazing relationship?

Do I want to take myself on a date?

Do I want to give myself MORE MONEY?

Do I want to take care of myself?

This question is like a litmus test.

It will show you the truth.

Try it RIGHT NOW.

If your answer was Yes! then it’s awesome. Congrats!

You already probably have what you want and/or on the way of getting it.

If your answer was NO, think why you are not giving yourself what you want?  What is it about you that prevents you from giving it to yourself?

In my experience, the person you imagine in front of you is lacking in some way.  She doesn’t like good enough.  She doesn’t feel right.  And so on.

It’s uncomfortable to give yourself stuff in your imagination.

If the answer is No, then practice doing this exercise every day and giving yourself in your imagination what you require.  Practice accepting it in your mind.  See yourself opening up to what you want and need.

If nothing is working, or you want more guidance and loving insight, then I invite you to book a discovery session with me (with FREE distance scanning of your most important areas).

“I can’t force myself to do something. I am procrastinating and I feel shame.”

I’ve had quite a few requests to work with procrastination. 

Suitable for bloggers, writers, creatives and anyone really who is in the “showing your work” type of work.  

This is a mash up of client stories…

I’ve worked with them using Transformation of Perception Filters.  

So the problem is usually “I can’t force myself to do something.  I know I must do it. I feel shame, but I am procrastinating. I feel guilty.  I feel this and that”

The underlying feeling is hopelessness, uselessness and lack of purpose.  

So you deal with those feelings…

And the truth is they usually come from thoughts and beliefs about oneself

I am not good enough

What I do is not good enough

It’s hard

YOU MUST DO THIS !

I feel trapped – 

I want to get rid of this…

Pressure

Feeling incompetent

Silly

I am a small author

It sucks!

I am nothing, I am a fraud, false

I can’t do it again

It’s just a coincidence

She didn’t want THAT kind of success…posting pictures of cats…she wanted to be taken seriously

So there was judgement on people who were only interested in that kind of content…

Felt like a circus lion

Useless stuff

My opinion doesn’t matter

If I can’t do it my way, why do it at all?

After the session she had a feeling 

“This is who I am”

“It’s me”

“It has its good qualities”

“I do my work with love”

“It’s not a one time success”

As far as I know usual practices make you go to thoughts…

You go to thoughts…I am a fraud and you choose a better feeling thought CBT asks you to analyze “Is it true?”

But I say, go into the feelings of hopelessness etc that these thoughts cause…

Vipassana meditation and any other meditation really asks you to sit with those thoughts and feelings. And just be with them…but tis hard even for advanced practitioners…

EFT asks you to feel a feeling but there is a distraction process sometimes and you don’t fully…you can’t always fully verbalize what it is that you are tapping…

Sometimes you can say “I accept this feeling” and it works too.  

But TFP asks you to find a filter – a name for that feeling.

And it has its magic…

Once you call something forth – It becomes…it becomes live but it also disappears because in a way you named it, accepted it and made it yours, you stopped running away from it and you integrated it and you became whole.  

How To Create An Amazing Relationship With Your Mother-in-Law

Terrible Mothers-in-law can be the bane of woman’s existence.

However, if you know a thing or two about psychology and the energetic laws, you will realize that this woman is not in your life just because you are so unlucky.

Mother-in-law who is abusive and constantly violates your boundaries is there for you to understand your victim mentality and to learn how to protect your boundaries.

So it’s up to you to learn to stand up for yourself.

Cold war and violent conflicts don’t count as protecting your boundaries.  There is no need.

Everything can be done INTERNALLY.

If you want to know how, sign up for your FREE discovery session and we can talk about it.

It’s the same story with the horrible bosses, abusive husbands, nasty co-workers etc.  When you have victim mentality, victim feelings and inner image of someone who’s been wronged, all you gonna attract in life with that mindset and feeling-set MORE OPPORTUNITIES to feel all THOSE VICTIM FEELINGS.

No amount of complaining or petitions or fighting will change situation.

It will always come back in some other form.

Life/Universe/God always wants you to heal and to know WHO YOU ARE FOR REALZ. And You are Son/Daughter of God. Means you are MAJESTIC AND POWERFUL.

So quit thinking of yourself as a victim.

That way everyone wins.

Rule #2

But first of all, regardless of how terrible your Mother-in-law is, deep inside you should hold her in high regard.  In your mind and in your thoughts there should be only respect towards a woman who took care of your man for years and years and made him who he is today.  If you are not too happy with your man for that reason, oh well, that’s another story.

But if you are happy and he is amazing “if it wasn’t for his mother”, definitely I can help.

So why do you have to respect his mother?

On the energetic level, regardless of how good or bad you think the elders are, they must be respected and even revered.  Watch “Mulan” and “Black Panther”.  These two movies show case this rule.  Even if you don’t believe in it, there are certain laws.  When they are violated, the consequences are terrible.

Read about Family Constellations theory.  I won’t go into details here.  But it explains a lot as to why there are certain hierarchies and how they should be handled.  A lot of grief and pain could be avoided just by being respectful and “knowing your place.”

Besides on the energetic level, we are all connected. So your Mother-in-law definitely feels how YOU REALLY feel about her.  And if you create all those negative feelings towards her, why should she make it easy for you in return?

Change those feelings, change your relationship.

Rule #3

Victim always attracts a Tyrant.

I will  talk about Karpman’s drama triangle in depth in another article.  But for now, just learn this, victim will attract a tyrant.  And a saviour.  But after some time everyone in that triangle WILL SWITCH ROLES.

At some point, victim switches roles and becomes a tyrant.  In fact, tyrant lives in the shadows’ of any Victim (myself included).  There is no white without black.  If you think you are Mary’s little lamb, think again.

I used to wonder too “why do bad things happen to good people?”

When I started working with the ladies, I knew that deep inside, a lot of them carried a lot of aggressive thoughts and behaviours, unexpressed and suppressed anger, hatred and humiliation.  All those emotions don’t go anywhere.

Anywhere you go, there you are.  With all your shit baggage.

Ain’t no going around that.

Please, do yourself a favour and if you don’t want to turn into a tyrant one day…I was gonna say “get rid of the Victim” but caught myself in time :))

Just integrate her. Love her.

How to improve your relationship with your husband instantaneously?

When relationship goes sour, what happens at that moment?

Close your eyes for a moment and think back about your recent conflict or situation that was not pleasant for you.

Look at your man, look at yourself and look at conflict.

And sense that in that conflict there is a sense of destructive energy. 

And we are sending that destructive energy, anxiety, pain, fear to our loved ones.  Maybe something set you off, something has happened.  You might “see” on your internal screen some people from your past.

When we argue, we quite often bring in past energies, past mistakes, errors, fears from past relationships (including the ones with our parents).  So there is you, him and a bunch of other people in the room energetically.

And so it feels heavy.

What can you do?

Let’s imagine, your husband came home.  And you think and realize that right now my body is pure.  There is cleanliness and freshness and innocence.  There are no girlfriends, mothers, bosses, work related stuff.  You are inside yourself and it’s only you and your energy.  There is only light and love and fluffiness.  You are the person that your man fell in love with.  Just relax and think well about yourself and about him.

Think about your purity.  

Come up to your man and think about him only as he is right now.  Your Man.  Bring out Your Man.  Be the woman who calls out real him.  And for that, your energy should be pure.  Only you.  

You want to create attraction in him.  

Place a hand on his chest and place another hand on his back.

And feel that energy and feel that right now IN YOUR HANDS is Your Man. He is accumulating his masculine energy as you hold him in your hands.  In his field, in his energy there is only him.  And it means you see him as he is.  

And you don’t have to explain anything to him.  But if your energy will be right, he will feel it and he might even kiss your hand.  He will see your beautiful eyes, he will feel your beautiful soul that sees Him.  

And in this moment, there will be a shift.  

Tell me about your results.

Thank you for reading! 

Love, 

Lira